Almost Doesn't Count

The tailor called my mother this morning announcing that my graduation night gown was ready for collection today. I was ecstatic upon hearing the news that even with the gloomy and dismal atmosphere, which has been the case every single day, I felt like it was still a beautiful day. I was set on coming home after the paper, get ready and then collect my baby. However, that did not happen.
I was so upset about the paper today that I was in no mood to collect the dress. Frankly it wasn't just today's paper, it's just the whole course of this battle, that I seem to be losing. I was tired and I just hated the weather. There was no way I was going to face my dress in this condition. I want to feel good about it. I want it to be a beautiful day, from start to finish. So I will collect it on Sunday. I need to sleep on this heart-wrenching feeling and rejuvenate before I can ever smile again.
There's just something about the dreadful weather these days that amplifies the level of sadness I feel after a bad paper. It's like as if as I try to suppress every tear from falling, for fear that someone might see me and try to console me and create all that hooplah, the sky let's a drop of rain fall on my behalf. Why should one risk embarrassing oneself when the day is doing all the crying for you.
Before today, I had this bad habit of going through the paper that I have already set for and see where I have gone right and wrong. What I could have done, what I should have done. For some reason, for me, I feel better knowing how I fared, regardless the accuracy, then to have the burning question harp on my mind. In other words, I would rather feel shitty about myself, than to be handicapped with curiosity.
But today, as I sit onboard the bus home, I did not extract the question paper from my file. I just rode the bus, contemplating if today would be the day I wear my long-awaited dress. It was as if I had given up. Too depressed. So I just sat there. Defeated. Looking out the window where all the coveted grades are.
I have 12 days before my next paper. I think I need a break. To get back on my feet again and try. I know this isn't the end. I'm almost there. But everyone knows, 'almost' doesn't quite cut it.
All I want is to crawl into a foetal position and sleep. That is the only thing the weather is actually good for- sleeping.
Oh my goodness gracious, just end already...

Everything's going to be ok........Isn't it?

Know this: An elephant can be pregnant for up to 2 years.