Never Thought I Would Ever Say This...

I am starting to appreciate PW, not inspite of, but rather because of its soul-crushing and tiresome demands. 'You don't know what you have till it's gone'-- a saying most apt for my explanation for this sudden change of heart about PW.
As I patiently wait for the Written Report to be submitted to me by tonight, I realise this 'free time' I have is used to THINK. There is a lot to think about, for me, right now. I mean a lot. Release of results is in 2 days time, Thursday! The thought of the verdict is already eating me alive inside. Excruciating.
And then there are other things that are bothering me, where ignorance is NOT bliss. In this moment, I wish the power to read minds-- telepathy, is bestowed upon me soon. How I wish I knew certain things, and not be consumed by suspense. I do not have to drown in my own guilt, submerged in dislike of my own self. I just need to know before the line between what is real and what is not becomes obliterated. Before I become delusional, seeing things that are not really there. Although some people already think I am hallucinating (right, girls?).
See, there is so much to think about because I am not engaged in PW. PW keeps me busy. Busy for all the things I am afraid to face. Busy for reality, basically.
'You don't know what you have till it's gone'. The 'it' refers to a distraction. An escape from the things that haunt me. Every second of everyday.

Just let it go.

Know this: In space you cannot cry because there is no gravity to make the tears flow.