Keep On Keepin' On

Life has been very unkind this week. What emotionally-draining week it has been. Never had I let out or wanted to let out so many tears before, in such a short span of time. Countless instances when the only thought that was going through my head was 'Stick a fork in me- I'm done.'
Year 2 of JC life has been taking a real toll on me lately, and I am starting to have doubts if I can ever make the coveted grades. They seem so out of reach right now and for some- impossible. And it is not even the assignments that I am worried about. It is more about the magnitude of the 'A' level itself that completely freaks me out. I manage to do the work and discipline myself, or whatever, but in the end, I seem to reap the same old pathetic grades. Honestly, it scares me that I might just give up one day. I might crack and not want to do this anymore. I am no longer confident in my own threshold. I am no longer confident that I can do this. It suddenly hit me that there is a possibility of me failing the 'A' levels; there is a possibility that I might not qualify into a University.
As I received my H1 Malay Result today, I was utterly disappointed and was at a loss for words. I told myself not to let out any tear today because enough tears have been wept already this week. I am currently contemplating if I should sit for the 2nd attempt of the paper this June. I was quite confident when I was in the CC that I was not going to retake it. Then, as I stepped out and gained a little more perspective into the situation, I realised that I had not done myself justice with that paper. I knew that I did not give my absolute 100%, which was a ridiculously stupid and moronic move, considering how important the examination really was. What the hell was I thinking? So the predicament continues...
I need strength to accept everything. I need strength to pick myself up and carry on from all these failures. I need hope that promises everything will be all right. I know giving up is not an option because I have already chosen this path, so there is no turning back. It has come to the point where you have to swallow your pride and just do what you have to. It is unfortunate how I need the tightest slap reality could ever give someone to remind myself how real this all is.

I am worried and I need You more than ever.

Know this: The word Nike comes from Greek Mythology. Nike is the goddess of victory and was often depicted as a small winged figure whom the goddess Athene carried.