Have you ever met someone who just gives you an uncomfortable vibe? Not meaning to offend any prude, but I mean more of you not being able to 'click' with the person. You just cannot stand being next to the person, to see the person or even being in the same room as the person, let alone engage in a decent conversation with him/her. And there is no word to describe how you feel about this person. You are certain though that the word is not 'like'. It is not 'hate', but more leaning towards 'dislike'. The best I can come up with right now is 'repel'. You cannot click with this person, so you repel.
And the worst part of the whole thing is, this person did not do you any wrong. This person did not hurt you or offend you. In fact, this person has been nothing but nice to you. And his/her good deeds repulse you even more because you think this person is trying way to hard to please you. This person becomes petty and pathetic. You on the other hand, act like a total bitch towards this person, everytime this person speaks to you, nicely. You just cannot bring yourself to like this person no matter how hard you try because this 'thing' gets worse. You start to dislike the person's walk, the way he/she talks, his/her appearance and even his/her bag. Everything about this person is wrong.
I wish I could wrap my finger around what exactly is the barrier that prevents me, oh-so successfully, from being a nice person, just as that person has been to me. And I begin to hate myself even more because I know this person is not at fault. I really have no reason to be angry at this person, let alone dislike this person.
I may not necessarily be referring to anyone. Just something I believe we all can relate to. If it were true, I will be experiencing tremendous guilt, penitence and pain, as guilt will be eating me alive inside. My mood will drain out as conscience begins to nag at me. Why do I put myself through this? Some say, I deserve it. And I agree.
First superficiality and now this? I feel a sudden need to express my thoughts about these issues as it is a way for me to admit that I am in the wrong. It is wrong to be shallow and it is wrong to dislike someone without any apparent reason. Well, like they say, the first step to cure is to admit that you have a problem.
I want to be a better person and make things right. I was utterly disappointed when I heard this quote from House as Dr House referred to Dr Cuddy-
"You won't be happy unless the world is as it should be.
That only means two things- one, that you are a good [person],
and that you'll never be happy."
That only means two things- one, that you are a good [person],
and that you'll never be happy."
My heart sank because deep down I know this is the truth. I can try, with all my power, to change what I know is wrong about me, and believe me I have tried, really hard. But this is me. I have to be at peace with the truth and what the world is, and not what it should be. Only then can I be happy, happy enough to make the best of things. We all have flaws. Let us just accept them and make the world a better place with our virtue.
Know this: Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
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