Disappointment

At this very moment, I am experiencing one of the lowest points in a long time. Disappointment is indeed one of the worst feelings one could possibly feel. Complementing it would be anger, confusion and sadness. Angry because you are not satisfied, confused because you cannot understand how they could do that to you, and sad because they had hurt you. The magnitude of this disappointment is determined by the person/people that had disappointed you. Family being the ultimate cause of the ultimate disappointment. With that said, I am experiencing one of the lowest points in a long time.
But you can never stay mad at them, or give them the cold shoulder for long. You just grill the beef eventually and carry on. I know that it is a good thing, because a happy family is one that sticks together, and never holds grudges. However, shrugging the issue that makes you unhappy time and time again makes them think that it is acceptable. That you are okay with them being the way they are to you. So sometimes, times like these, I want them to know that it is not acceptable. That I am not okay. When I told you, I TOLD YOU, that I really wanted this and you take that away from me, it isn't funny. It isn't okay.
The power of words retains whether they are spoken by family, friends or a random stranger. The sting is just a million times more painful when they are from your own flesh and blood. Sometimes they get unbearable and a piece of you just dies inside. Somehow, I expect more from them. I expect them to understand me more. Especially when I have clearly showed how much I wanted this. Instead, you said hurtful things. I know that you do not mean it. (Though at times I have doubts that maybe you actually do.) But you said it, still. Why say hurtful things just for the fun of it? Because we are family, I am not supposed to let it get to me? How miscontrude... It has the direct opposite effect.
You would think that the family bond is one that never wavers. Unbreakable. But being bounded by genes and blood does not necessarily mean that. One can feel emotionally apart from the family as well. Literature taught me that what you feel inside is more significant than what you show on the outside.
Other times, the family may not be appreciative of you. When you work so hard for a grade and instead of congratulating you, they put you down by asking why couldn't you have done better. No, it is not motivational. It is just depressing. You tend to question: will anything be enough anymore? An yet another piece dies inside. But there are just that many pieces. Let me not see the day when all these pieces die. Then I cannot call you my family.
Then there are double standards frequently practiced. For you, in return for a distinction is a demand for even better, and most of the time unrealistic grades. Not even a 'well done', once in awhile. For another one of your sibling, in return for a pass, just a pass, is a pair of new soccer boots. And at late nights and you are starving, they only buy food for one sibling, claiming they didn't have enough money to buy any for you.
How could one not wish that he was switched at birth or adopted, and his biological parents are desperately tracking him down as we speak? How could you not not be tempted to rebel with equally rude remarks, just to protect your own pride and dignity? Tell me how could you ever truly love people who treat uou this way? Who hurt you and know that they do, but just do it anyway? You must have forgotten that daughters are humans with feelings too.
Maybe I am just being a big baby because my family never really have big problems. Most of the time we are happy, which therefore makes times like these seem unbearable, makes you want to run away from them and express your pain to an alternative family. A back-up family perhaps. Reality states that the family is the one that you run to when the world crumbles down you. But where do you run to when the family lets you down?
You run to blogger of course.

Disclaimer: This is not a plea for counselling. But more for a family that respects me and geniunely cares for my well-being. A plea of a better family.

Know this: The Simpsons is the longest running prime-time animated series on television history.