Hasta La Vista!

www.readingrosazlin.blogspot.com

Know this: It's moving day!

A New Day Has Come

I never could imagine what today (or yesterday, rather) would feel like before. The end of A levels had always been so very far away for me. So I indulged on the temporary bliss of each paper ending at time, not getting the full picture that I was one step closer to the end, each day that passed.

But here I stand today, after everything, at the end of the tunnel, where the light is. It is all over. I am free. Finally.

A new chapter begins for me from this brand new day. Stay tune as I'm about to move into a new space.

Know this: There are approximately 550 hair in the eyebrow.

When I Become CEO of a Certain Media Company

This post has strictly refrained from using specific names to protect the identity of the one being dissed and protect my ass for any law suits of any kind should my blog ever reach an impressive publicity level.
I am here to express my deep-seated abhorrence for a certain judge on a certain local reality show. I really think he is a piece of work. I get so furious everytime his name comes up, so imagine me when I see his face on the television screen. I become this mad woman! He brings out the ugly and bestial side of me, a side that anyone who values his life should stay well clear from.
I'm not necessarily devoted to any contestant on that show, so it's not like I'm being biased. I personally feel that he does not provide any constructive criticisms whatsoever to help these kids improve. Instead he picks on their weaknesses and magnifies them, even when the performance is clearly a good one. He never fails to leave a bad taste in the contestants' mouth, rendering the positive comments by the other judges futile and not worth remembering. His words simply acidify whatever that can potentially help their confidence level, which is crucial to any competition.
His hypocritical comments on how contestants should be true to themselves, but should alter their image so that they will appeal to the audience completely disgust me. Why can't the 'barber look' be the unique image of one of the contestants? It is even more hypocritical that he constantly stresses that this is a "singing competition" and yet focuses on their image, when there are no faults in their singing that he can harshly criticize.
It kills me when people claim that he is the Singaporean version of a renown judge with a certain British accent when he obviously lacks the charm to pull off any of the British's antics. He serves absolutely no purpose at all in this show, except to demoralize the kids. Even if it is to 'toughen them up' for the real world, I don't see the harm in complimenting them for their effort or the fact that they take risks, even though the risks may not pay off, just once. It's not that hard, man. It's not like we're asking you to contort your face into a smile or nothing... We know your limits and won't force you to do the impossible. Nevertheless, there is a world of difference between a comment that goes, "Your singing was pitchy at times, but at least you look great," and a criticism that goes "You may look like a star, but your singing was terrible." Any decent human being, with a functioning heart, can effectively feel the difference once the sentences are uttered. Ouch! to the latter sentence, no? And not to mention his total what-the-hell comments such as "Don't get ahead of yourself because none of the credit goes to you," and "You have done little to justify your place in the Top Five". Excuse you?! You have justified absolutely squat to justify yourself as a judge!
And, the way he mistreats the enthusiastic members of the audience, is completely uncalled for. They are the drivers of the show. They make the show what it is and without their support, there is no show he can judge on. Still, he rudely interrupts their cheers with patronizing comments and a hand gesture that demands their silence. If I were one of the contestants, I don't think I will tolerate such treatments of my family, friends and fans. If they want to cheer, you let them cheer and speak only after they are done.
Above everything, it especially frustrates me that nobody is doing anything about his behaviour. I don't even consider it as entertainment. Fortunately, I'm not sadistic enough to derive joy from watching the sullen faces of the contestants, hearing the hearts of these aspiring singers break into countless pieces. It's not fun. It makes me dislike the show, somehow. If I wanted to see heartbreak and empathise, I would much rather tune in to National Geographic or the Discovery Channel on the abuses of animals or humans in the Third World, where at least I know there is hope for all this cruelty to stop. Somewhere, someone out there is doing something to make all the brutality stop. But on this show, nobody is doing shit. As for me, all I can do is to boycott the show, which constitutes not tuning in at all and not casting my votes. However, that will not do much, clearly. For one, I like to watch the contestants sing, and the host doing his bits. And well, I have never voted. Ever.
So as for now, all I can truly afford is this post and hope that others realise the lack of compassion and courtesy in this particular someone. Let us learn that it is not ok to treat people that way (to think that every decent human being in the entire universe would recognize that by now).
But someday, when I gain enough authority to make a change in this certain media company, my priority assignment is to kick his lily ass out of the show. And that's a promise.
On a completely different topic, I saw Faisal Isa, the latest Idol cast-off, at Woodlands today!

Know this: After eating too much, your hearing is less sharp.

Almost Doesn't Count

The tailor called my mother this morning announcing that my graduation night gown was ready for collection today. I was ecstatic upon hearing the news that even with the gloomy and dismal atmosphere, which has been the case every single day, I felt like it was still a beautiful day. I was set on coming home after the paper, get ready and then collect my baby. However, that did not happen.
I was so upset about the paper today that I was in no mood to collect the dress. Frankly it wasn't just today's paper, it's just the whole course of this battle, that I seem to be losing. I was tired and I just hated the weather. There was no way I was going to face my dress in this condition. I want to feel good about it. I want it to be a beautiful day, from start to finish. So I will collect it on Sunday. I need to sleep on this heart-wrenching feeling and rejuvenate before I can ever smile again.
There's just something about the dreadful weather these days that amplifies the level of sadness I feel after a bad paper. It's like as if as I try to suppress every tear from falling, for fear that someone might see me and try to console me and create all that hooplah, the sky let's a drop of rain fall on my behalf. Why should one risk embarrassing oneself when the day is doing all the crying for you.
Before today, I had this bad habit of going through the paper that I have already set for and see where I have gone right and wrong. What I could have done, what I should have done. For some reason, for me, I feel better knowing how I fared, regardless the accuracy, then to have the burning question harp on my mind. In other words, I would rather feel shitty about myself, than to be handicapped with curiosity.
But today, as I sit onboard the bus home, I did not extract the question paper from my file. I just rode the bus, contemplating if today would be the day I wear my long-awaited dress. It was as if I had given up. Too depressed. So I just sat there. Defeated. Looking out the window where all the coveted grades are.
I have 12 days before my next paper. I think I need a break. To get back on my feet again and try. I know this isn't the end. I'm almost there. But everyone knows, 'almost' doesn't quite cut it.
All I want is to crawl into a foetal position and sleep. That is the only thing the weather is actually good for- sleeping.
Oh my goodness gracious, just end already...

Everything's going to be ok........Isn't it?

Know this: An elephant can be pregnant for up to 2 years.

This Is It

I am all geared up to give all I have for the battle on Tuesday. A few more minor touch-ups, a little prayer and I will be on my way.
Note to self: Don't worry, you got this.

So here we go...

Know this: Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.

I've Got 99 Problems But the Bitch Ain't One

A bizzare day at the library today. But having a bizzare day at the library isn't so bizzare.
Anyway, I'm currently having a dilemma. I know it is suicical to omit certain topics for the big As. But what if you know that you won't attempt that question. I'm talking about the China chapter in my history. I spent one whole day understanding it but I haven't exactly memorised it yet. So should I waste my time memorising it when I know for sure that I will not attempt the China question? If your answer is no (which is my answer too!), then I would have wasted that whole day studying something absolute irrelevant... But then again, if I know I will 100% not do the question, I should not waste anymore time on it. You said it, sister!
Here's another predicament. For 3 of the topics, there are 2 parts to them: the causes and consequences. I've studied the causes portions, but not the consequences parts. Can I leave those out too?! I can't leave so many parts out, you know! It's just that I don't think I want to take in any new information at this point, but muster the ones that I already know.
I have to choose 3 questions out of 5. What if 4 of the questions go like this: 1) China, 2) Consequence, 3) Consequence, 4)Consequence?! I will slit my throat with my plastic ruler and just bleed to death. I don't have much time, you guys.... What should I do?! What should I do?!
Gosh, I'm about to have a panic attack. Breathe in...And out..One more time, in...And out.
And, I freakin' need glasses! I can't see anything beyond 2 meters with clarity that I had taken for granted. Everything's such a blur. And the world is such a scary place when you're all alone and all you see are blurred faces.
Anywho, hope your revision is going swell!

Know this: Koala Bears sleep an average of 22 hours a day, 2 hours more than the sloth. (well, 2 hours less than me after the As.)

You Can See My Heart Beating

Just as time passes and draws nearer to the 10th, I am scared but at the same time happy. Happy that this is all finally coming to an end. As I read my notes, I can't help but think that that would be the last time I will ever read it ever again. Maybe on the night before I sit for the exam. Still, one of the last times, ever. Then I'm suddenly motivated to read it more intensely. Almost like holding on to something just so it won't slip from your tight grip. Like wanting to make it count before you let it go for good. Kinda like the last 2.4km run. Remember how I was extremely over-joyed that day? Imagine me after the As. And seriously- 3 weeks, a week-break and a day left before this whole thing ends? It is surreal. Everything we have ever worked for this past 2 years, finally boils down to this. And then...freedom. Freedom beyond one's imagination.
Sometimes when I'm out, taking a break from revising, I ask myself 'What are you doing? There'll be a whole lot of going out after. Very soon after.' Yes, my conscience is very vocal. And she is always right. Always. And it so weird to hear of plans in December such as the book fest on the 11-12th. When my sister told me to go with her then, I was like "A' Levels will be sooooooooooo over by then." Of course, the big grin plastered on my face.
Anyway, I just got my Graduation Night dress tailored 2 days ago. I'm uber excited for it! Now I'm just on the hunt for my Prince Charming to take me... In the words of Mariah Carey (Obsessed), "You're delusional, so delusional...." However, it will be quite awesome.
Ok, back to the books. For. One. Last. Time. Somebody pinch me please!

Know this: A quarter of the world’s plants are threatened with extinction by the year 2010.

"I'm so gonna blog about today."

Today was the Farewell Assembly for the graduating class of 2009. And yes, it was an emotional roller-coaster ride. One moment I was smiling, the next I was choked- up, then I was laughing hysterically (especially during the PE Department's video). After I had a blast with my class at Pastamania (my fave!) for a final outing before...well, you know.
Honestly, I woke up today not knowing what exactly to expect. All I knew was there was going to be speeches, and a lot of the "This will be your last lap"s. But I had not expected to be so very moved by Ms Hon's speech and the videos from the teachers. The teachers often used the analogy of us preparing for battle: A Levels, that is. And in this span of two years, the teachers have been training us and putting us through mock-ups of the battle. During the journey I, personally, have cried my eyes out over failures and rejoiced at my successes I had worked so very hard for and achieved. So here I am today, (almost) fully-equipped with all the ammunitions and armaments that my teachers can ever possibly afford. Now there is nothing else left for them to impart or give, except 'best wishes' and 'good luck'. And so we're off...
I had wished so fervently for today to be the last day of school, forever. When 'farewell' actually meant farewell. But today isn't the end, for at the end I will feel relief. I did not feel relieved today. Because I know that up ahead is the most important thing in the whole universe that I must go through and conquer. Although it scares the hell out of me, there's no turning back. And I know that the faster I trudge through this fifty piles of shit, the faster I will reach the light at the end of this sewage tunnel. So when I do reach the end, and I mean 'the end' the end, I will... just be glad that I've reached the end.
So no, I will not say what I will miss about SA. I will not say what I have lost and what I have gained. Not this time. Not yet. I will not bid farewell because this isn't goodbye. I'll see you at the battle, remember?

The Best Teacher in the Whole Wide World and Beyond, Ms Soh

(Congratulations on your engagement!)

The Most Passionate and Beautiful Teacher in the history of Mankind, Ms Hon

(Congratulations on your engagement, too!)

The One that has stuck by me from Day 1

We are just wayy too cool for school, baby!

Know this: A snail's reproductive organs are in its head.

Up-High

Still awake at this hour, after shopping with my Mark and my sister. A futile attempt to find the ideal prom dress. I know, I know, the A Levels are approaching fast and the mock papers are coming at us faster, so what the hell am I doing out shopping, right? Seriously, I need a break. A serious break before I can get down to some serious studying, again. The prelims just ended and the results are still being anticipated. It may take longer than I think before I can bury myself into the books again. But not too long I hope.
I wonder if this is what it feels like to be drained out or burned out, or whatever it is they call it. When you can't seem to find an ounce of anything that will make you want to pick up those set of notes or even a pen to write. Like, as if you wished it would end right there and then. Right now. This instance. Flashbacks of the suffering you went through not too long ago are too painful that you feel there is no way in hell you can do that again. Feeling as though you had given everything you have and there is simply no more to offer. No more. But time keeps waiting. For you to give more. But what if there really isn't any more. When every thing you read, your mind goes 'I know this already.' Hence insisting that you stop because it's all in there. But you know that not much can retain for too long, so you keep reading only to have that information rejected with the stamp 'You know this already.' But you don't. Is my sponge saturated? How can my brain not take in any more when I know there's more that I need to take? I can't possibly know it all because my Math assignments are full of blanks and I still can't look at Literature pieces through Ms Soh's eyes.
I feel like I may have given too much for the Prelims. And although the results are better than I have even seen them, I know that it still isn't enough. There is so much more that I need to work on and improve. And I am so afraid that I may not have anymore fuel, or as much fuel to help me kick into high gear again. I know it's still too early to say this because this may just be a phase and I'll be back on my two feet in no time. Maybe. But right now I'm just so extremely exhausted.
I feel like I need a hand. Literally. A large, massive hand that can pull me out of this and put me where I'm supposed to be. There is only one Thing, I know big enough that can do this for me. And He will give me a high-five when it's all over and done with.

Know this: Every hour the Universe expands by a billion miles in all directions.

You

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Know this: Every year over one million earthquakes shake the Earth. (And I experienced a minor tremor in school today!)

Chance(S)

I blew it.

But I can't seem to let go.

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Know this: Do not inhale helium because it displaces oxygen necessary for life and can cause headaches, dizziness, labored breathing, and eventual unconsciousness.

On The First Day of Raya, My True Love Gave To Me...

One whole day with my whole family, a special day it was indeed.
Most of my cousins are much younger than me so I can always expect the atmosphere to be a lively, albeit kecoh one, when we all get together. Oddly, it doesn't make me feel more matured. I tend to take advantage of the opportunities to spend time with them and be child-like too. It's just more fun.
My family decided to go golden this year. I thought it was highly original, but I came to realise that we were not the only ones clad in gold that day. Nevertheless, we still turned heads (but that could simply be because of other reasons, but I choose to believe the aforementioned). By the way, I usually decide on the colour for my family, being the shopping Queen in my family. I supposedly know what I'm talking about when it comes to fashion and trends, and what's 'in' and what's 'out'. But really, it simply depends on my mood. Still, I intend to hold on to this authority for as long as I live.
Also, on that particular day, at a particular hour (or 3), my heart cleared up some space. There is still some clearing up to do, but one day that space will be completely empty for someone more worthy to fill.
Anyway, I cannot wait for Raya to come again. I'm already thinking of the colour for next year. I'm thinking purple...Or, white? Famz, what say you?

And this is my family...

Wishing you

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfirtri

Maaf Zahir & Batin

Have a good one!

Know this: A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.

It's Amazing How You Can Speak Right to My Heart

William: Whoopsidaisies!

Anna Scott: What did you say?

William: Nothing.

Anna Scott: Yes you did.

William: No I didn't.

Anna Scott: You said "whoopsidaisies".

William: I don't think so. No one says "whoopsidaisies" do they? Unless they're...

Anna Scott: There is no "unless." No one has said "whoopsidaisies" for fifty years and even then it was only little girls with blonde ringlets.

William: Exactly. Here we go again. [He falls off the fence again]

William: Whoopsidaisies. It's a disease I've got. It's a clinical thing. I'm taking pills and having injections. It won't last long.

Notting Hill is one of my favourite romantic movies of all time. I recently watched it on HBO, only recently. I totally underestimated it. I think I have a thing for Hugh Grant. Because this is the second romantic movie I have ever been in love with. The first being Love Actually, which stars him too. I know, I know, Islam fundamentalists will frown on me because the latter movie is based on Christmas. But it is just so lomantik, lah.
Just thought that was worth mentioning. Anyway, today is one of the best days of my life. Prelims just ended, raya is in 3 days, Project Runway's later at 10pm and mummy dearest bought me a Magnum Chocolate ice cream since Monday, and I have decided to save it for a special occasion. And that special occasion has arrived, baby! Tomorrow my family and I are going shopping. Finally a guilt-free day out with the Famz. I really think I deserve this one because of all the hair-tearing ordeal I went through revising for Prelims. There were literally instances, especially during my revision for History, when I really felt so nauseous and my heart started beating so fast because I was so stressed out and scared. Well, you know, not only good things have to come to an end...
And for the J1s who have to go through your Promos during Hari Raya, hang in there, friends! It will be over before you know it. It's all about time-organization and sacrificing your leisure time, for this one difficult period in the year. Just this one. And no, first day of raya is not worth sacrificing. Remember that you guys have each other to depend on, so be there for one another. Be in it together. Wishing you guys and gals the best of luck!
I am super psyched for Raya, man! Can't wait.

Know this: Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. (This is a scientific fact, fyi.)

Are You Crazy-Insane, Or Insane-Crazy?

An awfully lazy day today. For some reason. Just one thing leading to another, and before I knew it, it was already 10pm and I have not revised one single shit. I felt guilty for awhile, then I thought about the revision I have done so far and those that I have planned for this week. If my calculation does not fail me, I have a little time to spare. Just a little time I can afford to take a break. Yeah, that will mean a lil more effort the next time I hit the books, to make up for what I could have covered today. Boy am I looking forward to that.
Adopted a 'study smart, rather than a study hard' theory this time round. Not to burn too much midnight oil but to use every other hour of revision wisely and effectively. Quality over quantity, I suppose. Considering there is not much 'quantity' at my current disposal to begin with. I just don't want to burn myself out before the big As, you know. I don't think I'll be productive if I'm dead.
Study sessions at the library have been very fruitful. Able to strike out most of the things on my agenda for that day. Every journey home, I feel so...victorious. So I hope the Prelims turn out well for me. And needless to say the A Levels too.
Anyway, just thought I'd pay this space a visit.
Hope you are having a fantabulous holiday. You should. Oh, nailing a mathematical problem can be quite fun. Successfully drawing a tariff diagram without having to look at the notes can be quite exciting.
Hold up. Me, finding studying fun and exciting? Ok it's official, I am a geek. Save me before I find homework...cool.

Know this: Neutron stars are so dense that a teaspoonful would weigh more than all the people on Earth.

Will You Love Me Again Like You Loved Me Before?

Status Quo. It's about time, Blogger dear.
A sudden urge to post something tonight (or morning).
Math paper was alright today. Manageable. Then again my expectations for the manageability in Math is rather low. So as long as I don't skip an entire 13-mark question, you can say that it's manageable. I really hope I do well this time. Not only is the result (should it be positive) important to boost me for the big As, but I sincerely do not want to disappoint Jules, my math teacher. Whatever it may be, I shall continue to work hard for this particular subject. Because the truth is, I love math. Ah, another case of unrequited love, it seems.
I find the examinations to be my form of escapism. Which is a good thing since I really don't want the disruptive nature of the things going on in my head to jeopardize what is utmost important right now. No matter what the teachers say, the A levels is crucial, as it determines a major part of the rest of my life.
So pimples may break out, favourite television shows may be missed, beauty sleeps may have to be put on hold. Oh come what may. We shall conquer it all.

" Victory's within the mile

Almost there don't give up now

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~ Run This Town Rihanna, Jay-Z, Kanye West

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Off the top of my head, I think Farhan from Singapore Idol is really cute. And here are some pictures from the National Day I spent with my extended family. I miss Nannan to death.
Know this: Cherophobia is a fear of fun. (Didn't know there was even such a thing? Well, that makes it the two of us.)

Who's Keeping Scores?

Examination-Heartache Update:

Prelims- 1
Me -0

Know this: It would have been Michael Jackson's 51st birthday today. Happy Birthday MJ! (PS: I want you back.)

With A Great Big Hug and A Kiss From Me to You

To me, you are the cutest baby alive! (This one is for Abdul Hannan, my 5 year old cousin.)
If I could switch bodies, it would be with yours. (This one is for Rihanna.)
Despite beating up my Idol, I am still a fan of yours. (This one is for Chris Brown.)
I love your cooking, eventhough I don't say it often. (This one is for Mummy Dearest.)
I know I got my 'funny' from you. (This one is for my father.)
I have always liked you. (This one is for that boy I secretly adore.)
I really want to bring back good news for you next year. (This one is for Ms Soh.)
I may not know soccer, but I tune in sometimes just for you. (This one is for Christiano Ronaldo.)
I look forward to you everyday after school. (This one is for the sitcom Friends.)
You are the most adorable old man, ever! (This one is for the Apek who sells newspapers at the Bishan bus-interchange and looks like a baby.)
I cannot imagine you in any other colour but purple. (This one is for Barney.)

I decided to be extra clear in who I am referring to in my post. It seems that some people are taking it upon themselves to make an ass out of you and me. Suddenly, it is all about them. Are you freaking kiddin' me?
There's so much more going on in my life than what is happening between us. Honey, your temper may flare but you just ain't hot enough to be the sun the Earth revolves around.
So I hope this particular post comes in crystal clear to you, the previous 2 posts were NOT intended for you. This, on the other hand, is specially for you. Then again, you probably already think that it is.


...Won't You Say You Love....Me.....Too....?

Know this: The “WALK” lights on Japanese street corners make a chirping sound so that the blind can know when to cross the street. (Eh, we have those in Singapore too!)

You Couldn't Tell Me To My Face

It has come to my attention that just as I am facing a predicament, you are facing a predicament with equal enormity as mine. Similarly, as my problem has very much to do with you (and the others, but mainly you), your problem has very much to do with me too. I see everything and I'm a fervent believer of the theory 'it takes one to know one'. So you may not be aware that I see right through you.
I didn't like the things you said and shared. It crushes me to have to listen and see. I understand your intention. Not a fan of it, but I get it. But my restless mind harps on the question- why?
I know we are never supposed to give up. But in this case, throwing in the towel is necessary. Along with that towel, I am throwing away all the anger, frustration and bitterness derived from this long-drawn predicament of mine. I don't want to be angry at you. It isn't a nice feeling to harbour. It burdens me and I end up feeling depressed.
It has been a struggle going back and forth, but now I've finally decided. I'll make this easier for you (because you certainly haven't and aren't going to make it easier for me). With my problem solved, that is the solution to yours.
For all that I am letting go, I really hope someone (or perhaps 2 people) will get out of this, happy. I, on the other hand, will be just fine.

Know this: Yahoo!- The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book ‘Gulliver’s Travels’. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human.

I Loved You All The Way, Until Yesterday

I've let go of all hope I've had for you to come around. It was easier than I thought. So easy, that it makes me feel uneasy. This time, I'm not turning back. Literally. Paying a little more attention than I usually do helps me figure out the things I want in life, and the things I don't want nor need. I seemed so sure before, when everything was in fragments. When I piece them altogether, take a gigantic step back and see the bigger picture, I came to a realisation that this does not have to be it.
An unfinished puzzle with missing pieces I thought were with you. To borrow a hackneyed phrase, you do not complete me.

I'm not crazy over you, anymore.

Know this: A red-haired man is more likely to go bald than anyone else.

I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me and You)

The best,
Way to make it through,
With hearts and wrists intact
Is to realize,
Two out of three ain't bad.
Ain't bad.

~Fall Out Boy

See you at the end.

Know this:The "nine lives" attributed to cats is probably due to their having nine primary whiskers.