Hanging In There

Things are currently looking up for me. No cliques yet so I am more of a drifter-- of friends that is. Today I just got to know of my classmates, those that I am 'stuck' with for the next 2 years of my life. It really sucks, by the way, all thanks to the PAE system which I harshly condemn. A majority of them were from the PAE so they are already settled and comfortable, even with the teacher. I love the teacher because she is so kind and concern about us. She even specifically told the 1st- intakers to not stick with each other, but to mingle with the newbies, to make us feel welcomed. She really was a great consolation for me. Currently I am hanging out with 2 malay girls from my class. But they are closer to each other than they are to me. So they tend to stick together and leave me out at times. But it's ok. I am just grateful that they allow me to join them. By the way, they both are intelligent people, both scoring 8 and 9 points (raw). Crap! 13 doesn't sound impressive anymore, not where I am anyways.
So I really apologise for not updating sooner. I was really busy catching up with the curriculum. I took a personality test once and it stated that I hated changes. Indeed I did, or I do. This transition phase to fit in to the rest of the JC students especially those from PAE is so painful, sometimes I feel like crying. I also found out that the guy I have been eyeing on is 'unavailable' (in more ways than one).
I miss everyone. I miss everything I was familiar with. I miss fitting in. I hate change. But I'm hanging in there. Things will get better sooner or later. Right?

By the way. I had a blast with my 4 Truth class the other day. I will post up the pictures and blog about it when I feel a little more enthusiastic about life.

Know this: The owl is the only bird to drop its upper eyelid to wink. All other birds raise their lower eyelids.

When the Saints came Marching In

St. Andrew JC's orientation was all right. I made quite a few new friends and my OG is cool, so laid back and steady. Somehow I really regret not joining the PAE, 1st 1- month trial. Apparently, I have a lot to catch up with. Not only with the curriculum but the whole school compound too. Where the hell are the Lecture Theatres, man? They never really gave us a tour of the school. I guess the 2nd intakes have to figure out the compound along the way. The school song is even a blur to me, since 'We pledge to thee...' was the only school song that I have sung for the past 10 years of my life. So, I am currently getting use to practically everything. I really hope that I can catch up with the rest when lesson begins. This is all new to me, especially since I did not enter the PAE system. We have to purchase lecture notes and whatever, no books. A lot of self- study it seems.
This is it. I have to work triply harder than the rest. I am really thankful that I have friends like Huihui (new) and Chow Zhi Wei (KCP ex-mate), who both went for the PAE trial, to help me out. Never before have I ever been the one lagging behind. I have always been ahead someway or another. I absolutely hate this feeling. But, something tells me that everything is going to be fine. I know I am just as good as everyone else there. And more importantly, I know I am not the only one feeling anxious and experiencing a total culture- shock. Truly, the one thing that kept me calm each time I enter the college is the school's motto 'Nobody is here by chance.' The motto really hit me because just as I thought that I wasn't suppose to be there among all the 9- pointers (raw score, mind you!), I found a friend who scored the same L1R5 as me and I realise that she too felt pressured. I have this other friend who told me that this whole JC life doesn't seem real to her. I really could relate to these people and I am grateful that I am not alone. We got into SAJC because we have proven once before that we could do well. So now we have to prove that we can do it again and again! The potential is in us-- in me.
I can do this.

Know this: A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

I Made It!

Alas, my prayers have been answered-- I made it to St. Andrew's Junior College! Time check was 6:17am when I received the message that possibly held the fate of my future. I read it in haste and the very words 'congrats' soothed my heart once I read St. Andrew's Junior College right after it.
So my mother and I decided to check the school out early this afternoon to get an estimant on how long the journey would take from my house to the college. We got lost a couple of times and asked a few people. But in the end, we concluded that it took about 25 minutes to get there, taking into account the possible traffic jams and in case I just missed the bus. For someone who has always walked to school and never had to worry about traffic jams and such,it really worries me if I could come to school on time each day.
Although I am really grateful that I made it to the school I wanted, I also really dread tomorrow-- the first day of school. I am so anxious and scared. As I type this post, my hands are shaking, honestly. My friends and I are debating about what to wear, what to bring and whether to collect some folder from the secondary school which supposedly contains our testimonials, CCA records and such. I even spoke to another friend of mine about whether to bring my mother along and whether there will be a meet- the- parent session like our sec 1 registration, where there is the collection of important documents and a guided tour around the school. He replied that there is no need to bring a parent and that the whole day tomorrow was going to be the orientation. The very next day was when our lessons start! I was so stumped and shocked! Just a day to familiarise myself with the school and the curriculum! Talk about culture- shock! He really made me nervous about this whole 'first day' thing. It's like I'm in kindergarten all over again, only that now I'm a little too old to drag my mother along. Who's going to help me as I buy my uniform? Wouldn't the parents be curious of the school that their children have been posted to? So wouldn't the parents be required to come? I'm so lost. Why can't they be more specific with the details? Or maybe I'm just being paranoid and scaring myself with these questions.
To think that the worst is over after I receive my posting, it seems it just got worse. Guess I'll be back tomorrow with how the day that I fear turns out. Something tells me it's all going to all right. Another sleepless night for me tonight, I guess.

Know this: By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

Family Affair

Yesterday, my maternal grandparents came to Singapore so traditionally all of their children and grandchildren came to visit them at this very rare occassion. It has been at least 3 months since I have seen my cousins, aunts and uncles due to a family fued that is currently going on. But for my grandparents' sake, they decided to put their differences aside just so the kids can visit them. Nevertheless, I could still cut the intensity with a knife. I just hope they would grill their beef as soon as possible because I miss my baby cousins so much!
You see, unfortunately for me, I am the second oldest of all my cousins, my sister being the first. Most of my cousins range between the ages of 3 to 10. So, there really isn't anything that I could talk to them about that they could possibly relate to. But on the flipside, their youth sort of brings me joy. I have this one cousin who is 3 years old and he is the cutest thing. His parents once told me that when they asked him who he loved, he said he loved them and me! Just the 3 of us! I practically laughed my heads off. And I have this other cousin who is a little cubby and she has the most beautiful curly hair ever. Her hair curls so perfectly that it almost looks like a wig. I love them all so much.
Afterwards, my family and I went to visit my paternal grandmother. I pity her sometimes because she stays alone in a 3-room flat. My father often visits her to keep her company, but I still wish she had someone to take care of her full- time.
Side tracking a little, these are probably the last few days of freedom for me. School is starting really soon and we are getting our postings tentatively tomorrow, 19 February. I really hope I get into St. Andrew's Junior College. And more importantly, I hope I can catch up with the rest of the batch that joined the PAE. They are probably ahead by a mile. I'll just have to do my best then.

Oh well, here are some pictures of those memorable care- free days.

Know this: Heart-attacks are more common among men because they cry less frequently than women

Congratulations to Collin and Adrian!

The only team from Singapore in the Amazing Race Asia emerged as champions last night in the finale! To make this win even more victorious, Adrian had to complete the last roadblock, concerning flags. Despite his hearing disability, he managed to complete the task the fastest, claiming that he had always had 'a passion for knowledge about countries all over the world' and recalling his mother buying him a book of flags when he was younger. Adrian truly proved that no disability can hinder success. I speak for every avid fan of the Amazing Race Asia Season 2, that Collin and Adrian were the underdogs and we wanted them to win because of their humility throughout the whole race. Somehow, watching them on the tv screen every Thursday night makes us, viewers, somehow attached to them. So the win is not appreciated in a competitive level but on a more personal one. I am really proud of them, and so is the rest of Singapore I am sure!



Know this: A cockroaches favorite food is the glue on the back of stamps.

American Idol Season 7

American Idol is finally back and banging harder than ever! There are more younger and better singers this season. 2 of the contestants that stood out for me the most are David Archuleta and Josiah Leming. They are both 16 and 18 years old respectively. Both seemed to have really struggled in the past and probably still do now, hence the extra air- time the both of them received during their auditions, which both of them absolutely nailed. David struggled with vocal paralysis in the past, which caused him to look like his almost desperate for air whenever he talks. Josiah introduces himself as the cry- baby of the lot. But, I certainly do not mean it in a bad way because literally, he has a baby face and he is very emotional during most of the aftermaths of his performance. Plus, he ran away from home after dropping out of high school and now he lives in his car. Truly, American Idol could most probably save him from his loneliness and essentially sense of lost.
Considering the ordeal the both of these teenagers had gone through, I really support them and hope they can go far in the competition. David's voice is really smooth while Josiah has a more British edge to his voice. Josiah is not British but he grew up listening to artistes like Snow Patrol and Mika, hence the British accent, but only when he sings. So best of luck to them both!

David Archuleta auditioning with Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer. Enjoy...



By the way, A Very Happy Valentine's Day to all couples! Let's all pray that your relationship sees itself all the way to the alter.

Know this: A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

The Splurge

Yesterday was my father's pay day. The day that all hell breaks lose. The day that all things that were deemed as 'window- shopping' affordable are purchased with breeze. The day I release my materialistic alter- ego and splurge on things without second thoughts. Ok, I think you get it, it's a BIG day. Anyway, last night I bought a $35 black dress and $25 shoes. The day before, I bought a $12 dress that was on sale. That was when my family and I knew the very next day was pay day so I decided to blow all that was left of our money from the previous pay day.
This is not the first time I've spent so much on clothes. The previous months were worse actually. See then, I actually had a lot of money given to me by my grandmothers and my Merit Bursary Award. So I decided to buy clothes so I can look nice when I go out to buy more clothes. I think it's called retail therapy. My illness-- boredom. Clearly, since I'm not working and not schooling currently. Plus, I have been watching a lot of tv shows especially on E! Channel where I get so influenced by what a celebrity is wearing that I make a mental note of it and look for something similar the next time I go out shopping. Now when I look at my current batch of wardrobe, it is more flashy and chic, unlike the ones that filled up my cupboard before, which were mostly school- related tshirts. Man, I have a whole bunch of them. But I told myself, yesterday will be the last time I buy any more clothes for the mean time. School is going to start and I will probably not go out so often. Although there are a few more things that I wish to buy like accesories and a black pair of jeans, I'll wait until I feel I'm deserving to have those things. Being a responsible buyer is key!
Anyway, more and more people are noticing the existence of my blog. So I have to watch what I write. No more personal issues.

P/S: I'm keeping it a secret now.

Know this: 11% of the world is left-handed.

Tempting

Two days ago, my family and I decided to go out for dinner. Later, after we realised that we did not really have much to do at Toa Payoh, considering my sister was too tired to shop, as she had just finished a 10- hour shift at her workplace, my mother suggested we watched a movie. When we headed to the cinema, we found that there was no show that was appealing to us. So we headed to the cinema at AMK hub but to no avail again. Then we went to This Fashion for my shopping pleasure. After I was satisfied with my brief window- shopping, we realised that again we were at a road block of boredom. All of a sudden, right in front of where we were sitting, was this stage, which had people setting something up. Later there was an announcement about a performance that was going to be held there. What a relief, we thought. Finally something entertaining to indulge on. It was actually an event called CLAP, which provided a platfrom for Singaporeans to showcase their talents. There were even seats for our comfort. After a very short wait, the first performer went up. His name is Dzulfikar and he sang 3 songs, the first was a Chinese song in tribute to Chinese New Year, even though he was a malay (show-off), then the last 2 were English songs, Open Arms by Journey, which is one of my favourite classic songs, and the final was Everything by Michael Buble. His singing was great, with his occasional Taufik Batisah moonwalk dance moves. And the best part was, he was good looking and 17 years old, just like me. By the way, the rest of the performances were not worth mentioning, so I am not going to.
So now here we have, a 17-year- old boy, who clearly has talent and is good looking. After his performance, he sat in front of me, but two seats to the right. I could not stop to think that he was probably the closest I will ever get to Syarif, who is slightly older, more talented and more good looking. And yet, I did not do anything. A part of the reason being my mother was right next to me, but the most part being I know what I want.
So to the One above, Dzulfikar was pretty tempting. But like I said I am not settling for anything less this time. I have already fallen in too deep.

Know this: A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.

So Close Yet So Far

Often I don't get what I truly want. I pretend to be contented but secretly weep inside. I wonder if it was the cause of my wrong doings in my life. Then, I seek forgiveness from the One above for all my sins, eventhough I know I'll still be stuck with what I have anyway. Hopefully I can get I what I truly want the next time, eventhough I never do.
I have faith. I know what I truly want this time. I don't think I can pretend to be contented if I don't get this one this time.
If it's too much to ask for, then at least make it easier for me to accept it.
Please stop playing his songs in the middle of the night just when I'm thinking of him. It's getting too weird.

Know this: Ah Meng, our iconic Orang Utan, passed away yesterday, 8 February 2008 at the age of 50. May she rest in peace.

Girls' Night Out

Last night, my mother, sister and I decided to watch the fireworks at Marina Bay so we headed to the Esplanade. Initially, we wanted to go as a family, together with my father and brother. Unfortunately, my dad was too tired after work, so he decided not to go. My brother followed suit to accompany my father. That was how it turned into a girls' night out. At marina, we settled at the large staircase overlooking the Esplanade (usual hang- outs for the mutts and minahs). Surprisingly, with the overwhelming turn- out of the Chinese during their festive season, the mutts and minahs felt inferior and stuck to one corner of the massive staircase. Poor thangs. Go ahead, have a cigarette to reduce the pressure of inferiority. You deserve one. Anyway, the fireworks were blocked by the trees from where we were sitting, so we could only catch a glimpse of the set of fireworks that went high into the sky. I wanted to take pictures on the camera but the damn batteries failed on me. Low battery. Son of a gun!

Side tracking a little, I think I have a major crush on Syarif, the Sleeq guy I briefly talked about in my earlier post. I heard Sleeq on the radio last night and my heart skipped a beat. I quess I am not too hesitant to write his name down on my blog because I believe it is just an fanatic crush. Well, he is a celebrity, by some standards. It's just a phase I'm sure. But it feels nothing like what I feel towards Chris Brown. Probably because Christopher is on the other side of the planet. But Syarif on the other hand is right here, in Singapore, and so I still may have a chance! Tough luck, darling, he already has a girlfriend. Yup, my obsession has led me to visit his friendster account where I was disheartened by the sight of his happiness with his lover. Utter disappointment. To come to think about it also, I am not that big of a fan of his music. He can sing, that much I am sure, but the substance of his songs are nothing close to applaudable. So how can I have an fantatic crush on someone I am not even a fan of? Then again, how can I have a real crush on someone I barely even know and doesn't even know I exist? And it's more than just his looks I am attracted to. There's just something about him. I still really do hope it's just a phase that I'll get over soon before I am in too deep.

Know this: A recent study indicates when men crave food, they tend to crave fat and salt. When women crave food, they tend to desire chocolate.

Going Back to My Roots

Yesterday I tuned into Suria almost the whole night, from 8pm to 11pm. To some, that is not a big deal, but for someone like me, that is huge. I watched the malay news, Berita, first, for my parents' viewing pleasure, then Kpak Bing Bing, which is hilarious with the comedic acts of Najib Ali, Era Farida and Suhaimi Yusof (they got mad skills, man!). Plus, underneath all the laughters, the show actually has substantial values, educating married couples on what some of this very conservative community may consider as taboo, like the issue on intimacy and sex. I like it a lot. Next was Projek Cerpen, which turn short stories written by the young malays into an hour show. Last night's show was very interesting, plus the Sleeq guy was super good- looking, Syarif. Anyway, the storyline was full of twists and turns, with the changes in perpectives from a mentally- ill teenager to that of a pathological liar. I will never be able to tell the story through this post, though, but if you have watched the show, you would understand.

The show was so inspiring that I looked up the term 'pathological liar'. I found that it is actually a medical condition, a mental illness where the patient lies compulsively and believes in himself that it is true. Scary, if you ask me.

While waiting for Style Her Famous to come on, I watched S- Trek on Suria, which turned out to be pretty entertaining too. I laughed a couple of times during the show on sports that are not so common in Singapore.

Well, you must be thinking, watching these shows 3 hours consecutively does not necessarily make be 'intact' with my roots. You are probably right. But this could be a start. I look forward to Tuesdays nowadays, not only because of Grey's Anatomy at 11.30pm, but because of the mentioned malay shows. Getting an A1 for my malay language in my Olevels certainly does not make me a pro in this language. I know my mother tongue is terrible and the good grade was basically a fluke, the paper was easy. I am essentially trying to broaden my horizons by watching these shows. I like them, so that is a good start. Making it a point to watch them every Tuesday will hopefully make me interested in my own culture again. Maybe next, I'll pick up a malay book. Only time will tell.

Also, enjoy the Tic- Tac- Toe I installed to entertain you readers in case I fail to update my blog, just so your visit will not be in vain. And Happy Chinese New Year to all!

Know this: Pathological liars often actually convince themselves that they are telling the truth, which in turn can alter polypraph tests and other questioning.

I Realised That...

when I decided that...

Know this: Bees and dogs can smell fear.

Every Young Girl's Fantasy

Yesterday, my mother, sister and I attended a wedding ceremony at Punggol. It was my sister's friend's brother's wedding (see how unrelated the wedding couple are to me). The bus ride was very long and nauseating. I was bus- sick once we reached the sea (yup, the bus went all the way to the sea side!). But once we reached the wedding venue, everything was fine. The helpers or kendarat were absolutely easy on the eyes, if you know what I mean. The food is usually the reason I like to attend malay weddings, they are always scrumptious! The bride was very beautiful and the decor was elegantly adorned onto the plain multi- purpose hall.
I am sure that every girl has somewhat thought of how her wedding is going to be like. The decor, the venue, the food and even the music. My sister told me that she is going to play hip- hop music during her wedding, and not the conventional malay love songs. I even want to have lasagne served during my wedding! Oh... I cannot wait to get married. The perfect wedding is indeed a fantasy (for now), but the perfect man is a prayer. Everytime I step out of the house is a new opportunity to find the man that will accompany me at the pelamin someday. I hope I will find him soon.

Know this: Pelamin is a place built for the groom and his bride to be seated and seen by all the guests. The pelamin is beautifully decorated like the throne of yester Kings and their Queens.

Family is Everything

Recently, I was out shopping with mother dearest. Out of the blue, I saw an acquitance of mine, a boy to be specific. Naturally, I panicked, realising the fact that I was not with my "cool" friends but my mother instead. However, as I hid with my mother behind the shoe racks, I saw that he too was with his mother. He even helped her carry her groceries. I thought it was such a pleasant and sweet sight.
It was then that I realise that boys are more endearing when seen with their family instead of their friends. We get to see the lighter side of them. I even think that guys are more attractive going out with their flesh and blood, seeing them interact and spend quality time together. Of course it is not conventionally "cool" to be seen with your family, but it goes to show that to them, family is everything.

Here is a scene from Grey's Anatomy, starring Callie Torres and Mark Sloan.

"To some men, family is everything."

Know this: A blue whale's heart only beats nine times per minute.