Upgrading

Notice something different? That's right, I finally changed my blogskin. Absolutely fell in love with this particular one, it just spoke to me. Frankly, I didn't think that changing blogskins would require a lot of work, but I decided it was worth my time, since I didn't really have anything to do for quite a while now. So I hope you guys love it as much as I do!

Know this: "Almost" is the longest commonly used word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

Moments on the Lips, Forever in the Hips

Essentially, this post is about my insecurities. 'Moments on the lips, forever in the hips' refers to the junk food we guiltfully devour like there's no tomorrow, and immediately get onto the scale first thing the next morning to check if we gained a couple of pounds. As a teenager, it is natural for us to have insecurities, caught between two main phases in our lives, a child that needs friends and to feel belonged and loved, and an adult desiring to be independent and make our own decisions.

Personally, I have a lot of insecurities, from my appearance to my likability factor. I never wish to point them out because that would make them all the more obvious, which is the last thing any of us would want-- for our flaws to be all that everyone else sees. Our sole mission- Operation Hide Shortcomings. So when someone points out a flaw that you have tried so hard to cover with your excellent academic results to your impressive talents, it feels like a blunt knife through your spine and being twisted 360. Painful, and you feel as though death is the best option for the moment, like a complete failure and loser.

I have experienced, first- hand, public humiliation about my imperfections quite a few times before, by strangers as well as close friends and family. I am aware of my flaws, but for someone to point them out, OUCH! They mock about my appearance and other unspeakable things. I tried not to take them to heart, because like my blog says 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words shall never hurt me'. To completely neglect those criticism is not that applaudable either, because we should take them in our stride and try to be a better person. However, if it were to be about something that you cannot change, like your appearance or something that you are comfortable with, then to hell with them! Just live your life, happy.

What would be even worse is if these people were messed- up and grotesque themselves. Who are they to judge us then? What professional status do they have to give me advice? In such cases, they have indeed commited one of the 7 deadly sins-- envy.

I don't see how they're gonna tell me

What I need

Or how I need to be

'Cause if you ain't doing what I wanna do

Living like I wanna live

I don't wanna hear it

- Mya "How You Gonna Tell Me"

Know this: It takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

Dedicated to a Dear Friend

Happy Birthday to Nurul Nasyitah! Wow, to come to think about it, we have been through a whole lot together, from our Netball days, to our New Zealand days, to our council dance days and now even to our last days in KCPSS. Eventhough we may go our separate academic ways after this, let's promise to still keep in touch so that our friendship can prevail until our ...wedding days?

Know this: Nurul Nasyitah's birthday is on 28th January.

The Anticipation Continues

Most of us, after receiving our results are relieved and think 'It's finally over.' 'It' refers to the anxiety, anticipation and pure fear as we wait for our results. However, to come to think about it now, it's not really over just yet. We are given 12 choices to make on which tertiary schools we want to go to, and I vividly remember Mrs. Chua, my VP, warning us that just because we qualify for JC, we might not necessarily get our first choice, or worse, any of our 12 choices! She told my class that that has happened before, where all the 12 choices of one student were rejected.
Now I am freaking out, again. I really want to go to SAJC. People tell me that it's a done deal, I'm as good as there, because we are affiliated. When I looked up SAJC in the Wikipedia, I realised, to my dismay, that SAJC was affiliated to 7 secondary schools, including KCPSS! So I thought to myself, since I want to go the Arts stream, deductiing my affiliation and CCA bonus points, I would have 9 points, then I would be fine. But, a little part of me is still a little dubious.
My parents told me there would be no celebration until it is confirmed that I get into a JC, SAJC preferably. But do not get them wrong, they are proud of me.They just don't want to go boasting about their brilliant child until everything is sealed, confirmed. I really hope that I get through. I already picked out my CCA there. Hopefully, when they read my testimonial, they would let me in. I am a good student. Yeah, like that would matter. Principal's always saying character is the most important, blah, blah. blah. But in the end, it still comes down to your grade. Damn.

Know this: Have you ever questioned your sanity? You have good reason to. Did you know that one out of every four people has some sort of pychological 'problem'?

Lucky Number 13

Number 13 is beginning to be a significance in my life so far. For one thing, my index number is 13. Every Deal or No Deal game has me choosing case number 13 and it has had $250,000 in it TWICE throughout the whole gameshow, if you have noticed. Yesterday, this number has become officially my number, the number that defines who I am because, I received L1R5 of 13! I am ecstatic! So are my whole extended family, which was what I truly wanted, to make them proud. Although several of my friends did do better than me, I didn't care really. I was just overwhelmed with excitement with my own personal success, which is pretty odd coming from me, being the competitive one always. But, you know, you win some, you lose some, that's life. You can't always get what you want. But in this case, somehow, my competitive ego was shoved to the side and the pleasant side of me took over, congratulating my friends genuinely for their successes, and myself for doing my best.
I did realise something on the day of the results, though. Olevel is one of the very few examinations that take place on a plain field. Well of course not literally but we are all equal in Olevels' eyes. It doesn't matter who you are as a person or how well you have done so far in school, whether you handed in the over- dued projects 2 years ago or if you've backstabbed a friend back in 2004. It really just boils down to that one paper. Having said that, there were quite a few pleasant surprises. Like Theophilus, snagging top positions in both English Language and Elective Literature! And Denise Chan who has achieved 10 points and Zheng Jie 9 points! Aqila also achieved 12 points, kicking my ass by 1 point. Congratulations to all!
They really made me put my life into perspective now. What I did, or didn't do in the past really does not matter nor will it ever define me. It's now that counts.
To those who did not really achieve your target aggregate, no need to fret for it is not the end of the world. Accept your results with dignity, dry those tears and make wise second moves. Maybe it's not your time to shine yet. But you will in the next phase of your life.
Remember, life is good. It gives us second chances.

Alhamdulillah.

Know this: It is very unlucky to have a dinner table set for 13 people. It is believed that the first person to leave the table will die within a year. Some people believe the death of Jesus proves this.

Our Fate Awaits Tomorrow

To all my fellow Sec 4 and 5 students who are waiting nervously for tomorrow to come (as we all know what day tomorrow is), I dedicate this song to you. Everyone of us are experiencing the same thing right this moment, plain anxiety.

From Black Eyed Peas featuring Papa Roach, Anxiety.
Movie from You Got Served.

I feel like I wanna smack somebody

Turn around and bitch slap somebody

But I ain't goin' out bro (no, no, no)

I ain't givin' into it (no, no, no)

Anxieties bash my mind in

Terrorizing my soul like Bin Laden

But I ain't fallin' down bro (no, no, no)

I won't lose control bro (no, no, no)

Shackle and chained

My soul feels stained

I can't explain got an itch on my brain

Lately my whole aim is to maintain

And regain control of my mainframe

My bloods boiling its beatin' out propaine

My train of thoughts more like a runaway train

I'm in a fast car drivin' in a fast lane

In the rain and I'm might just hydroplaine

I don't fear none of my enemies

And I don't fear bullets from Uzi's

I've been dealing with something thats worse than these

That'll make you fall to your knees and thats the

The anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry

Paranoias brought me to my knees

Lord please please please

Take away my anxiety

The sane and the insane rivalry

Paranoias brought me to my knees

Lord please please please

Take away my anxiety

Know this: It takes women 4 minutes to fancy somebody and it takes men only 3 seconds.

24th January, 2pm

Need I say more? Anyway, good luck to all secondary 4 and 5 students, especially to my friends. This is it. 4/5 years in school all comes down to this very day, to the very envelope that holds our future. I hope that all of us cry tears of joy on Thursday and accept our fate whole- heartedly with satisfaction and true contentment.

You all will be in my prayers...

4 TruthStudent Council Seniors 2007
Know this: Olevels 2007 results release on 24th January, 2pm.

The Search is Over

I have been feeling better with only 10% of mucus still stuck in my throat. Not too bad if you ask me. The magic healing powers of Panadol prevails. My father just bought a brand new set of computer stuff, so that is cool. No more frustrating lagging issues or having to literally bang on the monitor so as to have the screen appear. Pathetic, huh?

Everlasting Love

The Bohemian Slip- ons

Anyway, pertaining to the title of this post, I have found the Bohemian sandals I wanted. I headed to Bugis with mother dearest and went looking for the damn sandals. Well, I wouldn't really qualify it as 'sandals' but more like slip- ons, which I personally was never an avid fan of. I made an exception for this pair as I was already very desperate and I only had $20 to spare for a pair of sandals, my mother had warned me. The sandals only cost $16.90 and I really love the design in the front. Maybe when I grow tired of it or when my father gets his pay, I might look for another one. Call me materialistic. Thereafter, met up with my Dad and brother at Toa Payoh.
O'levels results are coming out soon. I am so anxious and insecure.I think I would be twice as nervous once I know the exact date that we have to collect the results at school. I hope I do well enough to get into a junior college. My whole extended family are counting on me to be admitted into one. I love you guys, but it's easier said than done, dears. I guess only time will tell.

Something odd happened yesterday. It really got me thinking.

Photos courtesy by My Brother, Rosalehin Rosli

My Nasi Lemak Lunch Drunk on Ice- Tea? Mommy dearest and I
Photographer..
likes his Mee Kichap.
Know this: A group of ravens is called a murder.

Under the Weather

I hate being sick. I am not sure of anybody that 'enjoys' being sick, but I mean I really really loathe it. I could not sleep last night, tossing and turning. My throat is closing up, lips are dry and nose is sore from my aggresiveness as I tried to remove the mucus from my nostrils. I feel so weak and the damn Breachol medicine I have been taking ain't doing anything to improve my condition. I have also been eating Hacks every hour to soothe my throat. I'm pissed off, man!
On a lighter note, I have lost my appetite for everything. I didn't even finish my breakfast. Hence hopefully I can shave a couple pounds as I cut down on those junk food in my fridge. I have a tub full of chocolate ice- cream that I have only devoured once that is waiting for me to get better so that I can eat it again!
Anyway, two nights ago I had this strange dream. I dreamt that I was pregnant! Weird, huh? And at that time, I haven't sat for my Olevels yet, so when I do sit for it, my pregnancy would be very visible. But everyone was supportive. The dream was so intense.
Also, I have been watching a lot of YouTube videos lately. Here is one of my favourite malay songs, sung my Achik Spin and Siti Nordiana. Achik has the most soothing voice sung in malay. Love him!

Enjoy... Memori Berkasih (Memory of Love)


Know this: A kangaroo can't jump unless it's tail is touching the ground.

Search of the Bohemian Sandals

I went to Vivo City yesterday with my dear mother to shop as usual. My mother was looking for an outfit for the fancy dinner she and my father are invited to this Tuesday. I was looking for a pair of Bohemian sandals, which I have desired since I figured that fashion does not always need to hurt. My current shoes are killing me, so I wanted to settle for something a little more comfortable. I went searching for the shoes a few days before but it was in vain. I found the perfect sandal at Charles and Keith in Plaza Singapura, but to my dismay, they had no more stock of my size. But I wasn't going to lose hope just then. I decided that I was going to hunt down for that same sandals of my size or even a better sandal the next day, which was yesterday.
Boy, was I disheartened. I went to every shoe shop there was in Vivo City to Harbourfront and back again for 4 hours straight. Thank God, my mother was patient and was as determined as I was, as I found myself complaining in pain, not her. I fell in love with 6 million sandals but none of them had my size! None. Unbelievable, I thought to myself. When I finally found Charles and Keith in Vivo City, I was so elated as I thought the search was finally over. Unfortunately for me, the sandal I saw in Plaza Sing. was nowhere in sight. I felt like crying.
My mother then decided to go to Ang Mo Kio to meet up with my brother and father to look for my brother's soccer boots, which he bought in the end. Lucky bastard! There, my mother and I decided to continue our search again. But, yup, you guessed it, to no avail.
However, the day was not all bad. I fell in love that day with a boy. The most good- looking boy I ever did see. We met at McDonalds as my family and I ate and he and his friend were looking for seats. When our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat. He totally made my day. They didn't manage to find a place to settle so they left. My family also left as we finished our meal and we bumped into each other. It was magical! I hope I get to see him again. If we are fated, we will soon. Same goes for my Bohemian sandals.

Mother and I

$3 chocolate ice- cream at Harbourfront

Rocking my new Pencil-Skirt Outfit

Check out my new Purse!


Know this: Children spend more time learning about life through media than any other manner. The average child spends approximately 28 hours a week watching television, which is twice as much time as they spend in school.

Missing Out? I Think Not.

In the beginning, I was pretty adament that I was not going to hunt for a holiday job. I had some reasonable backing for that decision. First of all, I promised myself a well- deserved break, in which I will sleep as late as I wanted to, do whatever I wanted to do and catch up on things that I had missed out on because of school, such as this very blogging thing and shopping. Secondly, 3-weeks was not enough to build a reputation in a workplace. It would just feel wrong to resign after just 3- weeks. As an employer, I would be pissed- off if my employee decided to quit after such a short period of time. Now I am seeing, hearing and reading of most of my friends working. I am starting to feel dubious about my laze.
Not long ago, I went to school to collect some stuff and I ran into a teacher, Ms Tay. She asked me about my current status, whether I had signed up for the 3- weeks JC program. When I replied no, she immediately assumed that I was working. When I told her no again, she said ' So just bumming around lah?' Her tone was so judgemental, as if it was such a crime. I replied to her, 'More like enjoying the holidays.' She gave a smirk and walked away.
That encounter made me question my decision to relax and spend more time at home. Do I always have to be doing something respectable? What was worse, she judged me when I responded with a 'shocking' answer, as if it was expected of me to work.
I might be blowing this out of proportion. I guess I was too used to be the one everyone pats on the back in school all these time. I was always involved in the school productions, which was always handed to me. The teachers are probably concerned if I will be able to grab an opportunity myself someday. Well, I assure them, I am a go- getter. The main reasons why I chose not to work this holiday is because firstly, I don't need the money. I was able to snag $250 from my Merit Bursary because I had already worked my ass off in school to achieve good grades. Secondly, I have much better things to do, such as going shopping with my beloved family, one thing that I did not really get to do often because of my million and one commitments in school.
To those who have a vacay- job, good for you. The pay can really come in handy.
As for those who don't, breathe in and savour the holiday. We might never get to again.

Know this: "Speak of the Devil" is short for "Speak of the Devil and he shall come". It was believed that if you spoke about the Devil it would attract his attention. That's why when you're talking about someone and they show up people say "Speak of the Devil."

Reverse Psychology Secrets Revealed?

I assume that it is pretty clear now that I do not go to crowded, over- rated places, especially with my family, due to certain self-conscience reasons. So my outing strategy is simply to go to under- rated places like Toa Payoh and Ang Mo Kio Hubs. My other going- out strategy is a little complex--reverse psychology, they call it. Meaning, I think of an exceedingly over- rated place and that is my place of shopping conquest. Quite simply, many people would think that the place would be full of familiar faces. Not that familiar faces are a bad thing, but sometimes these faces are meant for school, in uniform, not outside with your family and other friends. Catch my drift? Moving on, this 'many people' I mentioned earlier on, will think alike, and so an exceedingly over- rated place is actually not what most people think it is. Hence, reverse psychology.
It is quite obvious that the topic of this post was inspired by a true event. So, filling in the blanks: recently, I have been going to Junction 8, to grab a bite or DVD shopping with my dear mother, while my other siblings head on to school. Also, lately, I have been catching a glimpse of familiar faces everywhere, a particular gang in my school to be specific. The first time I saw them there, I thought to myself, it must be coincidence. The second time I saw them again, this time in an expanded gang, yup, there were more of them! This time, I do not think it was a coincidence anymore. Could they have cracked the reverse psychology code? I doubt because when it comes to anything at all, I am the only one who put in the effort to analyse the situation just so my family and I can go out in comfort. Looking at their dress- code, they were a little over- dressed for Junction 8. So what the f*ck were they doing roaming around my turf? Return to yours, at Orchard Road, man! Now I have to be on my toes, having to think twice as hard as to what I wear and how to do my hair. Image is everything when it comes to people you know. Frustration overwhelms me but Junction 8 is a place I have to venture into, whether I like it or not. It's where they sell my favourite Honey Dew Milk Tea.



Know this: Temper is the one thing you cannot get rid off by losing it.

Check Out 'Play Me' Element

It is featuring Meredith Grey and Derek Shepard from Grey's Anatomy, one of my most favourite shows all- time. It is so compelling. I also love the song played in the clip, by Travis 'Love Will Come Through'. While watching, do catch Meredith's confession of love at exactly 2:11~

"I love you in a really, really big

'pretend-to-like-your-taste-in-music',

'let-you-eat-the-last-piece-of-cheese-cake',

'hold-a-radio-over-my-head-outside-your-window',

'unfortunate- way- that -makes-me-hate-you'

love you."

I'm sure everyone has loved someone in that 'crazy-in-love'' way once in their lifetime before. Well, at least I have.

Know this: Grey's Anatomy is on every Tuesday at 11.30pm.

An Early Wake Up Call

My flat is currently undergoing an upgrading, building an elevator in front of my house. The damn contractors start work at around 8.30am every day, except for Sundays, as that is their break day. How do I know this, you may wonder. Well, I have made friends with one of the foreign workers. Yeah right! Just kidding. Actually, I am woken up, everyday, by their relentless drilling. The ear- bleeding noise of the drill kills me. From my usual, 11.30am wake-up time, I am now usually awake by 9am. I am honestly going crazy with all the noise. And all the sleep that I'm NOT getting is making me a bitter and cranky person. It's ugly! So I thought to myself, maybe it's just for today. They are using the drill to remove portions of the corridor to make way for the elevator. Once they get to building, not removing, it should be quieter. I was sadly mistaken. When I peeped outside to see the progress, to my surprise, they were not even removing any parts of the corridor YET, they were still trying to remove, what looks like to me, the layers of paint on the walls of my flat. If such a pollutive noise is produced to only remove a thin layer of the corridor, I could only imagine what the noise would be like if they were to ever remove the whole thing. I am honestly going out of freaking my mind, tossing and turning at 9am to try to fall back to sleep, experimenting every position I possibly can to shut the noise out. Unless the contractors put the drilling and more recently, banging, on silent mode, only then will I ever be able to get back my beauty sleep. Till then, the beast is here to stay.

Know this:"Happy Birthday" was the first song to be performed in outer space, sung by the Apollo IX astronauts on March 8, 1969

Flash Backs

Recently, I went back to school to receive an Edusave Merit Bursary Award. While I was seated among other recipients waiting eagerly to just get the cash and go home, my heart simply skipped a beat when I heard the emcee announc that the Flame Dancers from my school would be performing a song entitled 'I Believe'. There are many songs entitled 'I Believe', one of which was once performed by the Student Council girls and I in 2006, then there is also of course 'I Believe' by Tata Young. I reckoned that Tata Young's song was much more popular and it had a video even. The one I performed was taken off from the movie 'Honey' starring Jessica Alba. It was not really a debut hit. All of a sudden, a familiar beat filled the school hall. The Flame Dancers, as amateur as they are, used that song for their performance! Flash backs starting flooding in my head, and my palms were sweating. It brought me back to the days I spent with the girls to rehearse the steps together. I would not consider the dance as remarkably fantastic, but everyone was praising us. So respectfully and humbly, we thanked them anyway. We did work hard to master the choreography from the movie itself. It was even a harder challenge for me as I had to first learn the choreography and then break them down to teach the girls. Unfortunately, the Flame Dancers did not do the song justice. Actually they never really did any song they performed justice. Once, they performed 'My Love' by Justin Timberlake, only to be soon labelled the 'Lame Dancers' or the 'Phlegm Dancers. Those poor girls. Better luck next time. And remember never EVER re-use a song that had been performed before, especially when those performers had set the bars too high for your reach.

Here's our performance back in 2006 starring (in front): Siti, Aneza (back from left): Aqila, Me, Nadia, Cheryl, Nurul and Priscilla


Know this: A snail can sleep for 3 years.

Cares up in the Air are now Tumbling Down

Man, it's crunch time. The thought of my Olevel results are kicking in already. As the money in my household dries up, I find myself at home more often than usual. Naturally, thoughts are sinking in, both positive and negative ones. in the beginning of the holidays it was like, 'throw your cares up in the air and I don't think they're comin' down'. Now the 'cares' are raining on me! I am truly shaken up by the possibility of me not doing well for my Olevels or worse-- I fail my EL subject. I have this disgusting gut feeling that I wrote out of point. My sister and I have been deliberating the topic for my Olevel composition. What the hell is 'reputation'? How the fuck is is different from 'expection'? If they mean the same thing then why wouldn't they just use 'expection' , a word we are more comfortable and familiar with when used in a sentence like 'live up to her expection' not reputation. That could only mean one thing then, there is an underlying trick to the word. The examiners must have been looking for something in our composition that justifies the fact that we do know the EXACT definition of reputation. Oh man I'm screwed.
Anyway, the worst that could happen is I end up the Institute of Techincal Education. Boy, will I be the misfit there. The squeaky- clean girl who didn't live up to her expection. (See how easy that sentence was. Damn it!) My friends are almost certain that I will do well. So the pressure is on. On top of all that, my family are counting on me to admit into a junior college. Easier said than done, dear!
Personally, I want to go to a junior college. My target is Nanyang Junior College. I would have to achieve an L1R5 of 11, since I wish to enter into the Arts stream. My target aggregate is 12, and with the deduction of the CCA points, I would be fine. I am so scared. I don't know how I'm going to react once my name is called out to receive my results. I would probably faint. I just don't want to cry. Maybe tears of joy, but definitely not of sadness and disappointment. To have to confess to my parents the bad news, I might just kill myself.
To any other person, it's probably not a big deal if they don't do as well as they expected, but it means the world to me if I don't do as well as everybody expects me to.
Well, when the day comes, it's do or die, sink or swim. It's really only up to the one that is above us all. As for me, I can only pray.

To lighten up your spirits after reading such a depressing post, here are some pictures of me and my family in the care- free days for your viewing pleasure.

Know this: Butterflies taste with their feet.

A Brand New Year... Already?

My oh my! 2008 came in a hurry, didn't it? Well I would think that because 2007 was indeed a hectic and flustered year with my Olevels, prelims and mock exams. Too much studying that time sort of went by. Gosh I thought the saying was 'time flies when you're having fun', not 'time flies when you are stressed and have your face buried in your school books'. I guess that saying is new.
Anyway, 2007 was a crazy year for the celebrity world wasn't it? Well there's Britney Spears to say the least, then Lindsay Lohan in and out of rehab, Jamie Lynn Spears latest pregnancy announcement, also the planned pregnancy of Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez, Nicole Richie (well not too sure if that was planned or not), Paris Hilton jail- term, then there were also unfortunate deaths, like Kanye West's mother Donda West, Anna Nicole Smith and the legendary James Brown (Rest In Peace for them all), then our own Hady Mirza was also crowned the first Asian Idol, not forgeting the Team Singapore who won a record- breking number of gold medals-47! Congratulations to them all!
Wow! A lot went on for them. As for me, 2007 was also memorable. I experienced my very first allergy reaction in my entire life. I was covered in hives during the September holidays. I will never forget how grotesque I looked then. I also started this blog thing, something that I never thought I would ever venture into, since I hate advance technology. I also became the Vice- President of the Student Council. Oh yes, Olevels happened too.
Now stepping into 2008, I feel rejuvenated. As though I have a second chance to start things over again. I promise I will do things better this time. I'll be more sociable and friendly, since that is an essential requirement now that I'm entering into a new tertiary institution. I will also be more brave and vocal to issues that matter. I used to be too shy to ask and too proud to lose, but that will all change.
Every new year is an opportunity given to us to do things over. Some of those things we encounter may not be the same as the year before, it's usually tougher actually, but as for those things we have been through, like studies in general and your friends and family, we now have a chance to make things right. This is our shot to be a better person. Let's just take it.

Know This: . When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red.